This year has been terrible for cycling. At least for me it has, and I can’t really blame anything or anyone else (I’ll probably still try though, as the inner me just can’t accept thatits ALL my fault).
Right excuses out of the way first I think. I got married in January – January 16th in fact, an absolutely fabulous day, with just enough snow on the ground for some great pictures (wedding snowball fights anyone?
) but not enough to stop people coming (The week before it would have been impossible to get to the venue!). That then sent me off on a weeks honeymoon, and when I came back I had a cold. I KNOW. Its a terrible excuse, but it IS true, and on and off Ive never really cleared it out this year. I’m sure they’re different colds, but I’ve had more of them and felt crappy for longer than I have done since my teen years I think. We also had a proper honeymoon in April, heading to the Philippines for a couple of weeks, which was nice. Unfortunately someone set off a bloody volcano and someone else told all the airlines they weren’t allowed to fly through the ash cloud. In the end someone fly a plane through it and nothing bad happened, so we came home, only actually delayed by about a week. From then on, it really has all been down to me. I’ve had a bugger of a time getting out of a nice cosy bed next to my nice cosy wife, and getting on my nice cosy cold aluminium mountain bike. Or any bike for that matter, road bike included. The road bike though did eventually get ridden as I had, for some reason I will never be able to recall, signed up to ride from London to Paris in 3 days and I realised that this would be a little more difficult if I didn’t get on the bike before I started.
Training commenced – sort of.
There MUST have been more than this, but I remember doing a 50 mile road ride in the Chilterns and feeling very chuffed that my legs had stood up to that much as I hadn’t been on the bike for what seemed like a very long time. I promised myself then that I would get on the bike and ride at least twice a week from May through to the London to Paris (L2P) in July. It didn’t happen. I did a couple of rides to work and back (about 12 miles each way if I’m generous), and once I remember taking a long way back and could quite possibly have touched 20 miles. (You can gasp in awe here if you feel the need). In June I planned a 50 mile ride, following the route of the three counties cycle ride (www.3ccr.org). Unfortunately I managed to take a wrong turning and ended up in Henley on the way out, and not the way back. DOH. Undeterred, Phil and I carried on, saw some Kites harrying a dead carcass in the road. (It was a lovely day and actually spectacularly pretty, although I’m pretty sure the carcass didn’t notice) then rode up a looooong hill and made it back into Bracknell, very tired and starting to wonder if L2P had been such a great idea as I was knackered after about 40 miles and I need to do 100, and then another 100, and then another 100. It was starting to feel daunting.
Sooo
I entered the Bike Radar Sportive, and chose the 100 mile option, and added the Dirt Crit Championships on the following day (in for a penny in for a pound). These were to take place approx 2 weeks before I headed off to Paris, and I figured it would prove (or disprove) that I could ride 100 miles in a day, AND get back on the bnike the following day. Even if the 2nd day in this case was rather tame in comparison, being only 8 laps of a 1 mile dirt course.
Obviously, it didn’t go quite according to plan. No reason to break the pattern just yet, eh?
8AM Saturday morning and I was there, ready and willing to start peddling around Brands Hatch race circuit on my trusty Giant SCR Ltd (aluminium, with carbon forks) before wending my way out into the Kent countryside. Beeeeep, and off we went. I LOVE cycling on race circuits. The tarmac is sooo smooth and lovely it feels almost like you’re flying as long as it doesn’t get steep. About 30 seconds in, it got steep, but it gave me a good warmup at least and I enjoyed the rest of the lap before heading onto real roads. It was a VERY hot day, and even at 815AM a lot of riders were starting to feel this was going to be tough. Weirdly enough though, not me. I deal pretty well with the heat and just get on with it. Even on the road I have a camelbak with 3 litres of energy drink, a few gel bars and some energy bars (Torq (http://www.torqfitness.co.uk/) are my fave – the only ones that don’t give me headaches!)
It was a pleasant enough ride, for the first 40 miles. The foodstops, while a long way between them, seemed to be running out of stuff a bit quick, but I didn’t care. I’m carrying my own gear anyway, so just kept on going. Just past Headcorn I had a problem, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to explain what happened. 5 miles past the feedstop, flat single lane roads with a few potholes, but nothing I’d hit. I’d just gone over a crossroads and heard a crunch from my rear mech. Thinking I’d slipped the chain I looked down and was horrified to see my rear mech hanging off, and only attached via the chain and gear cable, no longer the frame.
Bugger, I thought. That’s me done for the day then, and I say down at the top of the hill the other cyclist were heading down and started to enjoy the sunshine while I waited for a marshall or a broom wagon to sweep me up. I was only there a couple of minutes when a woman came rushing up the hill on foot shouting ‘stop them, stop them, there’s been an accident’. I spoke to her a moment as she rushed past and it turned out that the car she’d been in had managed to stop in the road, but a cyclist hadn’t and he’d gone straight over the bonnet and broken his arm quite badly. SHe was in a hurry to set up a wedding in the next village, so hurried on and asked me to slow people down, so I did. Not very successfully I’m afraid, as all I could do was wave and shout there’d been an accident. (Bike Radar, take note – you need to marshall more carefully and not take 1000+ riders down roads on which you can only pass a car at walking pace and scraping the hedges!)
45 minutes later and the riders had pretty much all been through, and a police car came up the lane so I flagged him down and found out the road was now clear and the injured had been ferried off to hospital. At this point there was STILL no sign of any marshalls or a broom wagon, so I started thinking about how to get home. Unless I wanted to walk, there was only one way. I set about removing the mech completely and shortening the chain so I could ride back to the last feedstop singlespeed. It was only about 5 miles so I figured that would be OK. It was while I was breaking the chain that a motorcycle outrider came by for the first time. Totally oblivious to the accident I filled him in on what had happened and then asked him if he could radio a van to pick me up. ‘No radio’ came the response. ”They haven’t even given us innertunbes or a pump to help people out’ (Bike Radar again, take note. PLan this stuff better. Many people DON’T have all the kit they need with them, and while its their own naivety that puts them in awkward situations, at ‘The UK’s premier cycling event’ you should at least TRY and plan for eventualities like a few punctures and the odd plonker stacking into a car (particularly if you set a route where the roads just aren’t wide enough to get past) ). Luckily I’d had the kit required to jury rig a singlespeed so headed off back to the feedstation.
A scene of devastation awaited. Cyclists at a feed station, fair enough. A feed station with no water, not fair enough (Bike Radar, for the third time, take note!) . Also not good, a feed station with no one that can contact HQ and get a broken bike and rider back to the start point! I headed off again. ‘It’s only 10 miles to the next stop’ he said ‘they might be able to help’. I could make that, so I headed off, pedalling like a loon on the flat, freewheeling down the hills, and puffing up the other side. I quite like singlespeed on my mountain bike. On a road bike I don’t like it. You need more gears when there are hills. After about 18 miles (yes, 18, not 10 Mr Bike radar feedstop person!) I was feeling almost as broken as my bike when I pulled into the nex stop. I was even more despondent when I got a, by now, familiar response. ‘No mate, we can’t contact HQ. There might be a van taking down the signs if you want to wait’.
I gave up. I stopped, I took my helmet and gloves off, and I went to the pub for a pint while I waited. By the way, all this time my wife had been waiting for me in blazing sunshine at the main Bikeradar event, and my phone had run out of battery so I couldn’t even contact her
. About an hour later, and hydrated by a couple of pints of best bitter, another motorbike outrider stopped so I asked him about a van. ‘Van, what van, I don’t know anything a bout a van’, he muttered, clearly annoyed at everyone asking him for help and not being able to provide it. (I’m still not sure exactly what they were told they were supposed to do, as it seemed pretty pointless to me.)
I headed off again. Guessing that it was only about 20 miles to the finish at this point, I pedalled fast, I pedalled slowly, I coasted, I walked, I pedalled again, and after aboit 10 miles managed to cadge a lift of a bloke in a panel van who locked me in the back in the dark with my bike, and cooked me in its oven like interior for 30 minutes until we got back to the start. Thank you, mr sauna van man, I was about cooked when I got in, and definitely cooked, when I got out. I am still very grateful to you for the lift.
There ended my first attempt at 100 miles on a road bike. Inglorious failure
I did prove one thing that weekend though. I could get on the bike again on day two and compete in the dirt crits. I was slow, but I was on a singlespeed intentionally this time so had an excuse, and I STILL didn’t come last. I also reckon I put in at least 100 miles worth of effort the day before, even if I didn’t make the distance.
I haven’t even started talking about L2P yet, so that’ll have to wait. I’m off to the Isle of Wight cycling festival tomorrow so will have to update on that too. I have a sneaking suspicion I’m going to be at the back – again.
Laters

En Route to Paris